Russian

A basement rehearsal room near Sokolniki: so you're Dima's American, sit at the keys, hi, I'm Sam, Sam is no name for a musician, from today you're Semych, don't listen to him, he's the drummer, I'm Lyokha to you, not Alexei, got it, what do we play, what we always play, from the start, count us in and don't rush.

The rehearsal room, the first tune: from the top, one chorus each, then all together, a chorus is thirty-two bars, and you don't count out loud, on four, one two one two three four, stop, that was a funeral, not a swing, once more, slower, not slower, lighter, let's go, off we go.

The break at rehearsal, Tolik's drummer jokes: what do you call someone who hangs around with musicians, I don't know, a drummer, he tells that one every week, here's a new one, a drummer comes home and says, is a joke always in the present, always, he comes in, he says, and the point comes last, and nobody laughs before the end, that's the law.

The back office of a club off Pokrovka, Pal Palych counting: we're four now, four, I pay for three, three is ten grand a night, four is fifteen, twelve and the pianist eats for free, does anyone tune the piano here, you're a tuner, tune it and we'll say fifteen, deal, and the hundred for my taxi you owe me, fifty, don't push your luck.

The club before the first gig, Dima at the desk: play something, I need the piano in the mics, play what, anything, play, don't think, pancake, the left mic is dead, is that a bad word, no, that's the soft one, everyone says it, even my mother, fir trees and sticks, and the monitor's whistling, one minute, folks, and no flubs tonight.

After the first gig, Katya at the band's table: so, how was it, normal, from a musician normal is top marks, are you playing again on Friday, well no, probably, is that a yes or a no, Katya, sing with us next time, yeah, right.

The rehearsal room the day after the gig: the vibe yesterday was, like, really cool, vibe, you're in Moscow, not vibe, groove, okay, in short, the groove was, kind of, cool, he's learned the fillers before the words, half of Moscow talks like that, which word do you hate, chill, we don't chill, we rest, say cool, Sam, and you're not an American.

The recording studio before the band's demo, Igor at the desk: sit down, play as if for yourself, well, not bad, not bad is bad, from Igor not bad is a medal, it'll do, we're recording it, and what would be good, good is when I say nothing, Dima, record.

The rehearsal room, phones out, Nastya reading the band's chat: Seryoga wrote, Seryoga who never speaks, he writes, rehearsal at seven, and a plus, a plus means yes, and Lyokha wrote okay, there in a sec, send the chart, reply fine the short way, can I write thank you in three letters, in the chat you write three letters, out loud you say the whole word.

Between songs at the club, Lyokha hands Sam the microphone: say two words to the public, good evening, I'm the pianist and the tuner, the piano was out of tune, now it's fine, and I'm still upset, he made a joke in Russian, everything went like clockwork tonight, who plays first violin in this band, me, there's no violin, but it's me, and a piano in the bushes, that's you, Sam.

Igor rings the workshop in November: hello, it's Igor, how are you, listen, there's a thing, the radio is looking for a tuner, me, on air, who else, Thursday at seven, Marina will call you, right, that's it, bye, and Katya asks who that was.

The radio studio on the ninth floor, ten minutes before the programme: welcome, don't be nervous, I'm not nervous, I'm terrified, on air we say we, how do I introduce myself, name, profession and one sentence people remember, Sam Cooper, piano tuner, I fix what you've broken, speak to me, not to the microphone, three, two, we're on air.

On air with Marina: why does a piano go out of tune at all, the thing is, a piano has two hundred and thirty strings, roughly speaking, every string is a drawn bow, and in winter, the radiators, simply put, the wood dries, so what do we do, a bowl of water on the radiator, that is, not on the piano, our listeners are writing in.

The phone-in on the evening music programme: we have a caller, you're on air, introduce yourself, Valentina Ivanovna, Sokolniki, Sam, is that you, Baba Valya, whatcha chattering about pianos for, have you eaten, do you have a question about pianos, I do, when's he coming to eat, the piano can wait, right after the programme, our listeners are the best, next call.

After the broadcast: that was lovely, will you come once a month, with pleasure, without my grandmother, with her, please, the phones were ringing off the hook; then Lyokha phones: well, you're something, you're a real star, come off it, half of Moscow heard your grandmother, she's not my grandmother, well, that is, she is, mind you don't get a big head, rehearsal tomorrow, star.

The first snow, outside the club, waiting for Pal Palych and the key: what a freezer, freezing cold, in Portland this is winter, in Moscow it's November, wait till January, put on a hat, your ears will drop off, a little hat, a hat, a big one, an enormous one, here he comes, doors, warmth, a nice cup of tea.

Picking up Masha at Galina Petrovna's: you said the pancake word in front of the child, sorry, habit, in the band, fine, here we don't say that, and dough, money is money, a car is a car, and very, not terribly, Mum, he talks like all Moscow, exactly, let him talk better than Moscow, yes, Galina Petrovna, very good, Galina Petrovna.

A rehearsal that goes wrong in the basement: stop, what was that, a solo, that was an elephant in a china shop, and I'm a cow on ice, I know, don't say it, I've said it a million times, listen to each other, we haven't rehearsed properly for a hundred years, a hundred years is one week, one week, Tolik, from the top, and don't rush.

A tree and mandarins at the New Year market with Dima: happy coming one, happy coming what, New Year, you say it from the twentieth, happy coming one, boys, a little tree, mandarins, a tree, a small one, and three kilos of mandarins, the small ones are gone, take this one, saw a bit off, we'll take it, and on the thirty-first, the banya, like in the film.

The dacha banya on the thirty-first with Uncle Vova and Dima: into the banya, it's minus fifteen out, and in there it's plus eighty, shut the door, the steam's escaping, give it more steam, lie down, hold the broom, you're going to beat me with a tree, not beat, steam, and then into the snow, enjoy your steam.

The New Year's table at the dacha, five minutes to midnight: first we see out the old year, to the old year, to the year that gave us Masha, the chimes, make a wish, twelve, Happy New Year, new happiness, to this family, to all of you, and to the banya he survived.

Sokolniki park in January, Masha in the pram, an old lady stops them: what are you doing, the child's without a hat, she's in a hat under the hood, and the hands, how can this be, thank you, we'll bear it in mind, in our day a blanket, in your day it was minus forty, and the father, a foreigner, yes, but the hat is Russian.

Lyokha's kitchen in January, the band round the table: happy b-day, Lyokh, forty-five, don't ask how many struck, we heard, health, happiness, and may everything be, he's learned the toast, turn off the telly, we're eating, is the bike still on the balcony, the bike, the computer and your drum since last century.

On air again in February, Marina and Sam: is an old piano worth tuning, it is, old after all doesn't mean bad, and how old is yours, a hundred and ten, older than the house it stands in, surely not, exactly so, the house moved, the piano didn't, you do know how to make people laugh, it's all the little words.

Dima's kitchen, a February evening, a new camera on the table: I bought a camera, yeah, of course, for photos of Masha, for a film, a documentary about pianos, well, well, and when, from Monday, which Monday, the one that never comes, dreaming's not harmful, we'll see, Sam, you're the main character.

Bath time, Masha at ten months: bye-byes, no, then yum-yum, why yum-yum and not eat, because she understands yum-yum, beep-beep is a car, woof-woof is a dog, boo-boo is a hurt, ta-ta is gone, she said ba-ba yesterday, syllables, the word is coming any moment now, and if her first word is beep-beep.

Sunday lunch at Galina Petrovna's, Masha in the high chair: she said it, ba-ba, that's to me, those are syllables, in eighty-three years nobody has called me that, all babies say ba-ba first, what next, she was looking at me, and papa, when, dream on, Sam, in this family the women come first.

The club off Pokrovka after the set, the band at the back table: can I tell a joke, in Russian, go on, we're listening, a man is asked do you play the piano, I don't know, I've never tried, that one has a beard, but it was right, short, in the present, the point at the end, I'm dying laughing, honestly, nearly, not funny, funny for a pianist, from a drummer it would be a miracle.

The club office off Pokrovka in February, Pal Palych behind his desk: sit, I've a proposition, another fifty roubles, witty, in March literary evenings, Chekhov aloud, I'm a musician, all the more reason, an American reading Chekhov is a full house, with my accent, with your accent they'll cry, dare you, not scared, shake on it.

The piano workshop off Chistye Prudy, Dima's first camera test: camera, action, say something, something, cut, take two, tell me about the piano, this is a piano, it's a hundred and ten years old, Masha, don't touch Daddy's camera, cut, take three, once more, just a touch slower, close-up, and smile, you're in a film now.